An Update On The Assholes Who Stole My Photo


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I woke up with a massive hangover-like headache, only without the fun of getting drunk the night before. I figured that it would at least put me in the right mood for a fight should it come to one.

Now, I don’t know about you, but when someone tells me they will be at my office at 2 to pick up a check that is rightfully owed them because I am a massive tit and stole their intellectual property and paying them off right the hell today is the only thing stepping between me and a copyright violation lawsuit, which I will definitely lose, I plan for that person to be at my office at 2 to pick up a check.

That is, unless I am a massive tit with a 45 year old interior, a 5 year old temper, and in massive debt to a plastic surgeon.

Needless to say, there was no check waiting for me.

I politely requested that the receptionist call her to find out where my money was. I also politely requested that she tell her my fee was going up every minute I had to wait for it.

No answer.

I then ever so politely suggested that someone be pressing some dough in my hands in the next five or I would just go ahead and sue for the full going rate, the copyright violations, the court costs, and, just for shits and giggles, a percent of every sale made since they started using my photo.

You know what’s funny? Watching a high end real estate agency gather all its employees and ask them to borrow cash to pay me to get me to go away.

The office manager handed me the money like I had ebola and then, with that fake smile/rapid blinking look my mother has perfected so well that it has no effect on me anymore, declared that I was “ever so welcome.”

I hadn’t thanked her yet. After that? I definitely wasn’t going to.

I can play her game, though. I smiled sweetly and told her that I hoped I would never had to look at any of their smiling happy faces again.

Let’s be perfectly clear: I am not the criminal here. If you are caught stealing, you do NOT turn the person you stole from into the bad guy. I am owed compensation and you are owed monetary punishment. And I let you off lightly. You should be grateful that I didn’t take this further.

Don’t fucking give me attitude when you are the shitstain.

Regardless, my wallet is fatter by 10x what the photo is probably worth and they will never steal a photo again. I call that a win-win for me and for art. Not so much for them.

Piper Doone is the author of the highly rated gay erotic romance, Playing Hard To Forget. Available from Amazon and Dreamspinner Press in paperback and ebook.

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