On the Subject Of I Fucking Told You So

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A gymnastics coach who was arrested last month on charges of child pornography and gun possession now faces a charge of battery on a child, stemming from a 2004 case, according to the Broward Sheriff’s Office.

Carl Joseph Lechner, 66, of Lauderdale Lakes has been in jail since his July 31 arrest.

On Tuesday BSO announced the new charge after detectives with the South Florida Internet Crimes Against Children/Human Trafficking Task Force learned about an 11-year-old complaint involving sexual battery on a child. After Lechner’s arrest, detectives found the complaint from 2004 and realized there had never been any charges filed.

A BSO detective then interviewed the victim, who is now 21, in August. The victim told the detective that for about four years, from 1999 to 2003, Lechner would play a game with her where she would hide her face and close her eyes and he would sexually assault her. When the game started, she was 3, and it lasted until she was 7.

Lechner owned and operated TAG Gymnastics gyms in Weston from 1998 to 2010 and in Davie from 1989 to 2000. He most recently worked as a coach at Cats Gymnastics — Children’s Gymnastics and Fitness Center in Jupiter. Lechner also ran a youth summer camp for children ages 2 to 16 at the Lauderdale Isles Yacht & Tennis Club between 2006 and 2010.

CATS Gymnastics, you sick fucks. Hiring a known convicted felon and not requiring him to get certified because you knew he wouldn’t pass the USAG background checks? Is that really what you did? Allowing a convicted COCAINE TRAFFICKER to work with children? Blowing off every parent who voiced concerns about your hiring practices and why you don’t perform background checks yourself on ANY EMPLOYEE?
Here’s a tip for every parent out there: If your child’s sports gym cannot offer you proof of background checks, they are doing it to be cheap or to hide something.
Run. Like. Hell.
I’ve seen shit that would make your hair turn white.
–From a former sports coach who left the business entirely out of safety concerns for the kids and herself.
Piper Doone is the author of the highly rated gay erotic romances, Playing Hard To Forget, available from Amazon and Dreamspinner Press and your favorite ebook retailer in paperback and ebook, and Something To Die For on Dreamspinner Press and on Amazon and your favorite ebook retailer, and the UPCOMING IN 2016 novel Forced Impressions.
She doesn’t fuck around when kids are in danger.
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On the Subject of Signing The Contract For My Third Book

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Because Love and Hate Is SeparatedI did a thing. Or, rather, I did a lot of things that led to this moment. This moment being the moment I was sitting at my desk in my office and absentmindedly checked my email only to see the words “Contract Offer” sitting in my inbox.

Writing this one was a crazy ride. It’s not as easy as it was before I was gainfully employed. Two years ago I was woefully underemployed as a highly certified, underpaid gymnastics coach. Now I have a real, grown up job with an office and my name on the door. And that leaves less time for writing.

But here I am, contract signed and I’m ready to give up what little free time I have to devote myself to all the amazing steps that are left to bring my newest work into the world. Editing, cover artwork, editing, helping write the blurb for the back of the book, editing, getting the ads and my tear sheet and selecting the artwork for the cover, editing, RELEASE DAY, blog tours, marketing….

This book is different from my last two. It’s more lighthearted and fun and, for the first time, is completely devoid of the supernatural.

I can’t wait to let my characters loose out there. I love them all, even the minor cameos. There’s one character I invented 6 years ago that I have been wanting to unleash ever since, but I had to find the right work to really do him justice. I finally found it.

And there are some surprises hidden in the book, too. Fun surprises, I think.

I can’t wait to start the rest of this journey to release day.

I hope you’ll join me.

Piper Doone is the author of the highly rated gay erotic romances, Playing Hard To Forget, available from Amazon and Dreamspinner Press and your favorite ebook retailer in paperback and ebook, and Something To Die For on Dreamspinner Press and on Amazon and the UPCOMING IN 2016 novel Forced Impressions.

She’s trying to play all of this off like she’s cool and she’s so mature about everything, but, jesus christ, do you even know her?

On the Subject of North Florida Not Being A Real Place and Also Sexism

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I have only two things to say.

One, Bath and Body Works sent me coupons for a free travel sized item (worth 5 bucks) and 20% off my purchase. Then they sent my husband, who has NEVER stepped foot in a B&BW and can’t even tell you where one is, got coupons for a free FULL SIZED item ($12.50), free travel sized item, and TWO 20% off his entire purchase.

I spend 100% of the money in that store. I make 100% of the purchases in that store. I give out MY email address to their marketing program. And they reward my HUSBAND?

Why? Because he is a man and the head of the household, according to traditional marketing research. It doesn’t even make sense to send him coupons. I get the mail. I do the shopping. I make the mall purchases. Those coupons are mine. I am going to get $20 worth of free merchandise (that cost around $2 to make, lbr) and be bitter that they chose to market their female oriented line to a man who will never make a purchase (not even for gifts. He has better taste than that). Way to go.  I won’t even use the 20% off coupons because now I’m pissed.

Two, Driving from one end of Florida to another made me realize that North Florida is a myth. It’s creepy. It’s like this place that calls itself Florida, but it’s not really Florida. It’s like when Wayne’s World moved to the studio and it was Wayne’s Basement, but not really Wayne’s Basement.

It’s a weird mix of south Georgia, old Florida that tried to stay relevant after Disney came in, and a place that tries really hard to look like all the things people associate with Florida. Cross the state line and all of a sudden you get assaulted with signs for Disney and oranges and there are planted palm trees on the medians of the interstate, but in a way it seems more fake than anything in Orlando. Those palm trees wouldn’t be there if the state didn’t put them there. Disney is hours away. Oranges you can buy at every stand at every exit on 95 were grown in central and south Florida.

And it gets fucking cold there. That’s not Florida.  I don’t feel like I was anywhere near Florida until we hit the Space Coast and even that still bears some of the I Dream of Jeannie-surf bum fantasy that started in the 60s.

And does anyone still go to Ron Jon’s? I think I last went in 1991 when I was a kid. I mean, I’m as sad as anyone else that Cocoa is a ghost town now thanks to the space program going tits up, but is Ron Jon’s really hanging on?

Anyway, I managed to take a vacation finally and I’m back now and I never thought I would be happy to see a palm tree, but I think I hugged one when I got home.

I should write now. You know, being a writer and all. I’ve been painting a lot and those won’t sell unless it’s a hundred years in the future or I murder someone.

On the subject of being an extrovert.

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I don’t have much to say right now. My book came out last week and it’s doing pretty well over at Amazon and I’ve gotten some pretty sweet reviews and I’m steadily working on another one that, if I keep up at this pace, should be complete in a month or two.

But I did want to say this: If an extrovert starts running a flurry of ideas by you or starts talking to you and it sounds like what goes on in your head when you are trying to work out something, please don’t stop her. Just let her finish. Even if you have nothing to contribute.

I am an extrovert. I have to talk out my ideas. I can’t do that in my head like introverts tell me I should.

Stopping an extrovert from working out an idea out loud is how bad decisions are made, like frosted pink lipstick on a redhead or seeing 50 Shades of Gray.

So, for extroverts everywhere, please just let us hear ourselves talk. We need our expression just like everyone else. We’re not trying to annoy anyone, we promise.

Piper Doone is the author of the highly rated gay erotic romances, Playing Hard To Forget, available from Amazon and Dreamspinner Press and your favorite ebook retailer in paperback and ebook, and Something To Die For on Dreamspinner Press and on Amazon

Out Tomorrow!!

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ALRIGHT, Y’ALL, TOMORROW IS THE DAY.

Buy Something To Die For on Dreamspinner Press or Amazon (or Barnes and Noble or any other leading ebook retailer you like better). Pre-Order today, get it tomorrow.

Josh Tucker lives a blessed life—great job, great family, perfect husband, and two wonderful children—but a mysterious man named Adam who haunts his dreams and soon his waking life threatens everything when he stirs doubt as to whether any of it is real. Adam makes Josh question the world he’s taken for granted—as well as the origins of Adam himself.

Even if Adam’s claims are true, Josh has nothing to live for beyond his fabricated life—except the possibility of a real man out there somewhere who can love him. Josh is left with an impossible choice: stay in his delusion where he’s assured some happiness or take a great leap of faith for a chance to make a life with Adam.

Join me on Dreamspinner Press’ twitter (@dreamspinners) tonight from 8-10pm EST

On the Subject of Reviews

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If you are going to review a book, first off make your website look a little less geocities. Second off, read the damned book. I got a review of Playing Hard To Forget by a supposed reviewer who got every last detail wrong. It’s probably an author faux pas to call her out, but someday I will. She had no reading comprehension skills and couldn’t even keep the character names straight or even use actual character names (Charlie? Who the hell).

I’d be embarrassed to be her.

Especially since she committed a grievous error by completely erasing a character’s bisexuality. There is a CANON bi character and because he is neither gay nor straight, this simpleton couldn’t quite grasp things. I thought we’d evolved as a society. She doesn’t need to be reviewing LGBT books if she can’t grasp this simple concept.

But then I got this review, which is probably as legible as the one I mention up there, but I can’t help but love:

I have consumed far too much alcohol. I have banged Ethan twice so far… How can that happen? How am I the Ethan? Anyway, 2 more chapter to go.I mean, I want to say he’s my spirit animal, but he’s not. I don’t know what it is. I think I admire him.I think I like his, spunk? Is that the right way to put it? It’s like the no, we can’t, but yes, fuck em? Or it’s his like, playful sillyness I don’t know. He’s silly and I love him.I don’t know why, maybe I am a deranged silly, but he’s a silly, spunky, love of my life.Okay. Okay. So there you have it. I am team Ethan.

Drunken reviews are my favorite reviews. These are the fans I love more than anything.

Reviews by small minded people who deny that bisexuality exists are welcome to kiss my ass.

Piper Doone is the author of the highly rated gay erotic romance, Playing Hard To Forget, available from Amazon and Dreamspinner Press and your favorite ebook retailer in paperback and ebook, and the upcoming Something To Die For, releasing March 18 2015 and available for pre-order now.

Now available for pre-order on Amazon!

My Accomplishment of the Week

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Because it’s the little things.

I went hiking on my lunch break because I’m at that point where I have to go somewhere with no tech or responsibilities for awhile and usually it’s the beach, but it’s 500 degrees and also I think the shark migration is happening now or soon, and it was my New Year’s Resolution not to get bitten by a shark, and translucent redheads shouldn’t really be at the beach anyway.

So I found a secluded spot inland and just started going.

I was wearing tights and flats and a dress that made me look more like I was exploring a Better Than Ezra-Toad the Wet Sprocket concert in the 90s*, but in times of trouble you take what you can get during a lunch break.

*if you guys decide to tour together, let me know because I will be front row center, k guys?

I found myself here:

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And if you know anything about plants, or at least as much as I do, which isn’t a lot, you’ll see that a lot of those plants are spiky.

Yea though I walked through the valley of the shadow of cacti, yucca, and agave in $8 tights from Target.

Not one run.

Thank you. Amen.

I also did a guest post for Something To Die For over at Cup O Porn, which is still kicking after Google reversed its decision on allowing NSFW stuff on their Blogger platform.

And in the continuing saga of “why in the shit do I mainline SVU?” There was no new episode this week so I rewatched some recent eps because sometimes I am doing weights or laundry when I watch them and I don’t really pay attention as much as I should and I noticed something:

Carisi is hot.

There. I said it. I wasn’t keen on him with the ‘stache, but it’s gone and he’s just so awkward I want to throw him up against a wall and top him and make him beg for more. Or let him top. Or be double teamed by him and Barba, who can’t quite separate his “I want to fuck you now” look from his “I want to kill you and hide your body in the Hudson now” look and that’s okay because it’s hot and I apparently have no filter on this blog.

Piper Doone is the author of the highly rated gay erotic romance, Playing Hard To Forget, available from Amazon and Dreamspinner Press and your favorite ebook retailer in paperback and ebook, and the upcoming Something To Die For, releasing March 2015 and available for pre-order now.

She’s heading on over to AO3 to see if anyone has, in fact, written Barba/Carisi and, if so, will go ahead and start the terrible AO3 fic cycle she laid out in her guest post up there. She has her filters set and ready to go. Because AO3 filters and camera filters are the only filters she has.

Inspiration

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Raise your hand if you’re a writer or other type of artist and you’re just standing in line for coffee or mac and cheese or at a traffic light or in the shower or basically anywhere you don’t have access to a pen and paper or whatever you need to art and you get an idea and all of a sudden you’re pulling a That’s So Raven

going over the idea in your head until it makes some sort of sense

(yaaaaasssss, of course he’s a time traveller from the 1970s who brings disco back to 2015 to fight off the alien invasion and save Earth. It’s just what the story needs)

and it feels like three hours but it’s only been a minute, but you jolt back to reality

and have to stop whatever you were doing or planning on doing to go home and make it a reality and basically, as an artist, that’s second best feeling in the world.

The first being getting paid for doing all that, of course.

Piper Doone is the author of the highly rated gay erotic romance, Playing Hard To Forget, available from Amazon and Dreamspinner Press and your favorite ebook retailer in paperback and ebook, and the upcoming Something To Die For, releasing March 2015 and available for pre-order now.

Today’s inspiration came when she was a Trader Joe’s when she was buying that cheese with the caramelized onions in it that makes everyone breath staaaaannnkkkkyyy but is oh so damn good.

Shallow Shameless Sexy Sunday

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I don’t want to give BuzzFeed any ideas, but I’m surprised they haven’t shat out a personality quiz based on which Harry Potter kid’s after-Harry Potter career you think is the best.

Emma with her studious, serious Brown-educated career that says you’re responsible and goal oriented?

Rupert with his ice cream truck and indie movies that says you’re a free spirit?

Dan and whatever the fuck he’s doing nowadays that says something about something (man, I seriously have no idea what he’s doing these days)?

Alfred with his How To Get Away With Murderness that says you’re destined for success and awards?

Well, whatever BuzzFeed would say to your answers, it doesn’t even matter because you’re wrong.

Obviously the correct answer is this guy:

Smile so bright it’s burning my clothes off

I know something he could pop pop, just sayin’

Make yourself a mental note to throw money at Galavant season 1 when it comes out. You won’t regret it. Look at this face up there. You get that and so much more.

Piper Doone is the author of the highly rated gay erotic romance, Playing Hard To Forget, available from Amazon and Dreamspinner Press and your favorite ebook retailer in paperback and ebook, and the upcoming Something To Die For, releasing March 2015 and available for pre-order now.

She bets you thought this was going to be about Donal Logue, didn’t you?